Why I Hate Santa

When crunchy daddy and I started talking about the possibility of getting married and having a family we discussed a number of personal beliefs about raising those potential kiddos. I was/am very opinionated and I wanted to be sure that my partner for life understood where I stand on several key issues. Not far down on the list was Christmas. I didn't want to do Christmas the American traditional way.

I thought/still think that the commercial toy grab celebration was offensive. I remember as a child taking every commercial break on TV to show my mom the billion toys I had to have. We would schlep to the mall every December to tell Santa and followed up with letters that would have needed additional postage to ensure tons of loot under tree.

I envisioned our family using Christmas to visit with extended family and celebrating Peace on Earth and Goodwill Towards All. I didn't want to use Santa as a bribe threat to bring about obedience and respectful behavior. I didn't want to idolize a taskmaster that enslaved a population to mass produce products for an entitled population. I also was unsure that lying to my children about such things would help my credibility when teaching them about our faith. When perpetuating a lie about a man who is supposed to do such great things it is hard to also tell them of Jesus.

When we did have kids we brought this to the attention of both extended families to make sure they were on board. My BIL and his wife had the same plan for the same reasons, but the grandparents on both sides thought we had lost our minds. Being that we were the parents we thought that our word on the subject was final. It wasn't. The grandparents informed us that we would not be allowed to steal the magic of childhood and that they would "Be Santa."

I was not intending to nix the gift giving. I wanted to make the holiday into more, not less. I wanted to use it as an opportunity to help others and be an active part in the whole Goodwill Toward All thing.

The first Christmas with kids was big, but not bad. Baby was not able to understand much and lost interest pretty quickly. Over the years it has grown. Last year I gave my children a gift to open on Christmas eve (as has become our custom) it included new PJ's and a small toy. I give this every year. I spend about ten dollars on a toy and wrap it with the PJ's. They always look forward to this. The next morning, war broke out. "Santa" had brought so many toys and gifts that we had to open them in shifts. From 6am until breakfast at 8am we did gifts. We returned to the present orgy after breakfast and continued until 1:30pm. Not yet finished, we broke for lunch and resumed at 3pm. At 4pm my children were exhausted, my nephew was unconscious and I was ready to take "Santa" outside and beat the bloody hell outta him. My eight year old stood up in the middle of the carnage that had probably once been an ancient forest and said, "Can we put the rest of this stuff to the storage room for next year? I think Santa made a mistake."

nuff said.